The Clueless Gardener’s Glossary of Terms

Home / Organic Gardening / Gardening Humor / The Clueless Gardener’s Glossary of Terms

Gardening terms with a humorous twist!
The Clueless Gardener's Glossary of Terms

Backyard Habitat: A dandy excuse to sip a daiquiri instead of trimming the hedges.

Bird House: A quaint, often elaborate structure designed to add fiber to the diet of squirrels.

Bog Garden: The result of going on vacation without turning off the sprinkler.

Bulb: Potential flower buried in fall, never to be seen again.

Double Digging: An evil concept whereby you dig a large area with a shovel, and when you are finished you do it again.

Garden Catalog: A well-illustrated work of fiction.

Grass: A plant found in flower gardens that needs little or no care.

Hoe: A garden tool calibrated so precisely that when stepped upon its handle rises swiftly up to mouth level, causing the gardener to say “Hoeeee!”

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

Perennial: A plant that would have come back year after year if it had survived.

Pop-Up Sprinkler Head: A sprinkler head that retracts below ground level when it is not operating. Pop-up sprinklers which stick in the raised position are known as “lawn mower food”.

Seed Packet: An expensive envelope with a pretty picture containing 99.9% air.

Wildflowers: Invasive weeds with sexy names.

Full Gardening Terms Glossary

Join Up With the Homestead Express!
We respect your privacy.

Disclosure: Would you like to support this website? I may receive remuneration for my endorsement or links to any products or services. It doesn’t cost you anything, but helps me cover expenses. Your support is greatly appreciated and a real blessing to me! Thank you! ♥

Leave a Reply